New mums’ questions answered: why is my husband always so worried about what other parents are doing?
Hello, everyone. Did you know that in addition to handing out my usual tips and advice for new dads on this site, I’ve also been fielding questions from new mums on the fantastic Mush app?*
Helping new mums with their queries has been extremely uplifting and insightful, so I thought it would be worthwhile publishing the answers on here too. Enjoy.
Why is my husband always so worried about what other parents are doing?
He doesn’t want to look stupid, or worse, like he has failed. And I get where he’s coming from. When I first became a dad, I was obsessed with what other parents were doing. Why is their kid not crying? How come their son sleeps at night? Oh, my goodness, their 9-month-old is feeding herself, should we back off and let our son feed himself?
So, what got me out of this constantly comparing myself to others mode? I’d love to tell you that it was a specific phrase my wife used during one of her regular “you need to stop worrying about other people” dressing downs, or a particular moment of parenting illumination, but it wasn’t. In truth, I just slowly realised a) that all kids are different, and b) that sometimes as a parent you don’t know the answer – and that’s absolutely okay.
When will your husband experience this revelation? I can’t say for sure, but, to give you a ballpark light at the end of the tunnel, my change in attitude occurred around the 12-month mark.
P.S. ABOUT MUSH
*If you know about Mush, you’ll be aware of the great stuff it does for new mums. If you don’t, here are the basics. Mush is the #1 social app for mums. It helps mums arrange meet ups with people who live nearby and have kids of a similar age (2 million mum friendships and counting). And it provides mums with a platform where they can get advice from parenting experts, like sleep consultants, weaning experts and me going back to my agony uncle roots to answer questions from new mums.