Advice for new mums: why is my partner so reluctant to make dad mates?
Hello, readers. Did you know that in addition to handing out my usual tips and advice for new dads on this site, I’ve also been providing advice for new mums on the fantastic Mush app?*
Helping new mums with their queries has been extremely uplifting and insightful, so I thought it would be worthwhile publishing the answers on here too. Enjoy.
Why is my partner so reluctant to make new dad mates?
There are four potential reasons, each of which requires a little bit of explanation. So, here goes. Reason one: he hearts his current mates and doesn’t feel quite ready to hang up his old social life and become the kind of guy who spends time with other males because they’re both dads.
Reason two: he’s stuck in the wolf pack mentality; a phenomenon that basically means he’s making a snap judgement about all the dads he encounters on the basis of how they stack up against the friends he’s had for years.
Reason three: he has a fear of rejection. What if he gives a dad his number and the guy doesn’t call or text? Or he gets a father’s digits, sends him a message and then doesn’t get a reply? Have you any idea how embarrassing that would be?
Reason four: he’s not reluctant, he’s just not any good at making dad mates. I flag this option, partly because of the issues I’ve highlighted in the first three reasons and partly because, in my experience, men tend to make two other major boo boos when trying to bond with our fellow fathers.
First, our go-to ice-breaking suggestion tends to be “a few drinks” – a concept that worked well when we were young and carefree, but is almost certainly doomed to failure when we’re trying to make it home for bedtime and survive on five hours sleep a night. Second, unlike our partners, who quickly realise that kids are the one thing everyone has in common and thus they are likely to boost the bonding process, we always seem to try and meet up without our little ones. This places far more emphasis on conversation and personality and this brings us hurtling back to all the comparing against our old mates issues I’ve highlighted above. Men, huh?
P.S. ABOUT MUSH
*If you know about Mush, you’ll be aware of the great stuff it does for new mums. If you don’t, here are the basics. Mush is the #1 social app for mums. It helps mums arrange meet ups with people who live nearby and have kids of a similar age (2 million mum friendships and counting). And it provides mums with a platform where they can get advice from parenting experts, like sleep consultants, weaning experts and me going back to my agony uncle roots to do my advice for new mums thing.