The Dad Test Ft. Father Hood

The Dad Test Ft. Father Hood

Sound the must-read feature klaxon! In a bid to assess the ‘dadliness’ of celebrity dads and popular dad bloggers, I’ve created a fun Q&A called the Dad Test. Stepping up to the plate in week 18: award-winning writer, maker of parody music videos, author and popular blogger Father Hood. Or, to put it another way, um, me.

Father Hood and the Bubster
Father Hood and the Bubster doing what they do best.

Q1. Have you ever messed up a nappy change?

“Yes, yes and more yes. Leaks, explosions, pee cannons, I’ve experienced them all, but perhaps my funniest nappy changing story took place at Glasgow Airport. The whole grisly tale can be read here, but if you just want the highlights they are: total clothing change, severe shortage of wipes, random breastfeeding mum.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q2. Have you ever fallen asleep while trying to get your kid to sleep?

“Two or three times, but please don’t judge me. Given that I’ve spent approximately 60% of the last three years trying to get my kid to sleep, this isn’t actually that bad a ratio.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q3. Have you ever voluntarily chosen to watch a children’s cartoon when your kid wasn’t there?

“Two things. First, I watch way more kids’ TV than my son does. Second, I can only presume that anyone who answers no to this question has never witnessed the televisual brilliance that is Fireman Sam.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q4. What’s your go-to dad outfit?

“Trainers, jeans, sweatshirt. I’d love to claim that my Sunday Times Badly Dressed Man makeover turned me into a nursery run fashionista, but it really hasn’t.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q5. Have you ever got stuck in a soft play?

“No, but I have been pinned in a corner by a ball throwing 2-year-old, vomited on by 1-year-old and nigh-on knocked out after running into the frame of the structure while going up a ramp. Also, I penned this rather good stuck in the soft play song to the tune of When Santa Got Stuck Up The Chimney.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q6. Can you do the Baby Shark dance?

“I can and I often do. Fairgrounds, traffic jams, train stations, supermarkets, birthday parties, playdates… other mums and dads can run away, but they will never be safe at last.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Father Hood and the Bubster filming for their music video
Father Hood and the Bubster filming their Let It Go parody music video

Q7. What’s the worst substance you’ve ever had to clean out of the back of your car?

“Spilt milk by a country mile. And, as this post shows, I didn’t do a very good job of it.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q8. Describe your worst swimming pool experience

“It’s a toss-up between being smacked in the face with a Zoggs pool toy, while I was involved in a staring match with an uppity Russian 7-year-old, and spotting a poo floating towards me. Incredibly, the latter has happened not once, or twice, but three times – and, before you ask, no, none of said faeces belonged to the Bubster (or me).”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q9. Have you ever gone on a family holiday and forgotten something really important?

“Yes, our son. It was Christmas, we were heading to Europe, all the kids were making noise, we were running late and somehow we left him… hold on, that’s just the plot of Home Alone. In reality, the worst thing we’ve forgotten is Calpol. We’ve left it behind it twice and we have really regretted it twice. Morals of the story? Do a head count before jetting off for Christmas, and never, ever forget to pack Calpol. ”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q10. Without looking at the internet, what are the words to Wind the Bobbin Up?

“Trust me, I know this. But I am going to forego the point in favour of promoting the parody song I wrote to the tune of Wind the Bobbin Up. It’s called Why’s the Bubby Up? and it’s printed below…
Dadliness rating: 0

Why’s the Bubby Up? by Father Hood

Q11. Tell us your best dad joke…

What was Whitney Houston’s favourite form of co-ordination?
Haaaaaaannnndddd-eeeyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee (will always love you)
Dadliness rating: 1

Q12. Can you draw a dinosaur?

Father Hood says: “A dinosaur? Pah. At this time of year, the real test of a dad’s drawing skills is whether or not he can draw Santa Claus. And, as this attempt shows, I definitely cannot draw Santa Claus (he looks more like a member of a Mexican Mariachi band).”
Dadliness rating: 0

Final dadliness rating

A bizarre nappy change story, some floating poos and a quite frankly brilliant dad joke propel me to a respectable 8 points in the Dad Test. Check out my social media pages and eBook via the links below.


The Dad Test leaderboard

Dad’s Delicious Dinners 11
Matt Coyne – A.K.A Man vs Baby 11
Big Man In The Woods 10
The Mediocre Dad 10
Dad Blog UK 9
Daddy Poppins 9
Parent Bear 9
The Outdoor Dad 9
Yule Times 9
Daddacool 8
Daddy and Dad 8
Diary of the Dad 8
DIY Daddy 8
Father Hood 8
Four Seasons Dad 8
The Neu Dad 8
The Out Of Depth Dad 8
Headline Spews 7

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