The Dad Test Ft. Headline Spews

The Dad Test ft. Headline Spews

Sound the must-read feature klaxon! In a bid to assess the ‘dadliness’ of celebrity dads and popular dad bloggers, I’ve created a fun Q&A called the Dad Test. Stepping up to the plate in week 13: journalist, blogger, content creator and dad of a child with severe reflux issues Headline Spews.

Headline Spews, his son and a whole lot of mess
Headline Spews, his son and a whole lot of mess

Q1. Have you ever messed up a nappy change?

“As a parent-to-be, I received some solid advice from another dad. ‘Don’t offer to change the first nappy,’ he advised, given the expectation of its tar-like contents. Well, that gem went straight out the window due to my other half being too ill and the midwife not offering any assistance.

“It was a slow job, and needless to say it wasn’t completed before he peed everywhere. In general, things have got a lot better over the last 19 months, but last week I did manage to wriggle him into his nappy, while leaving the entirety of his tackle hanging out the side. Smooth.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q2. Have you ever fallen asleep while attempting to get your kid to sleep?

“My son wouldn’t sleep laying down for the first few months – mostly due to his severe reflux – so we had to take it in turns staying up throughout the night and cuddling him to sleep. As you can imagine this was pretty tiring, so I drifted off once or twice, before abruptly waking back up.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q3. Have you ever gone out or to work with milk stains on you?

“Milk? No. Vomit? Yes. My son was so ‘sicky’ throughout his first year that a little bit of vomit was never worth a change of clothes. If you did, it was a sure-fire way of ending up with proper projectile plastered over you.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q4. Have you ever parented with a hangover?

“No. I’m not a big drinker, so the closest I come is a caffeine high from too much tea. I bought a 24-bottle pack of beer when I was hosting my family at Christmas, and we still have 12 left. Worryingly, my son has been desperately trying to get into them since learning how to open the cupboard.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q5. Have you ever put off a DIY task for longer than three months?

“We only moved into our house a few months ago, so I don’t have any long-term projects on the scrapheap just yet. I guess the stair gate might become one. It has needed fixing since last week, after I lazily tried to reach something on the other side. Disclaimer: they don’t hold a dad’s weight!”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q6. Have you ever smelt poo and realised that it was on you?

“My son came to visit me at work and, as I was walking in, it smelled like he had done a poo. He had; and some of it had leaked onto my shirt. I had no replacements, but fortunately work understood that it was better for me to work in a T-Shirt and trousers than a shirt that smelt of poo.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Headline Spews proving that twinning is winning
Headline Spews proving that twinning is winning

Q7. What’s the worst substance you’ve had to clean out of the back of your car?

“The car has survived thus far, which is remarkable considering the amount my son has projectile puked in his short life. I’ve even done a blog post where I try to keep a running tally of the ‘spew spots’ he’s been sick in (note the latest entry links nicely to my hatred of soft play).”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q8. Talking of soft play – have you ever got stuck in one?

“The last time I took my son to soft play he screamed blue murder and refused to go in. When I have been able to tempt him, I have yet to get stuck, but I have always felt that they should be built with adults in mind. How are you supposed to push a little one through those crawl-through tunnels AND get yourself to the other side?”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q9. Can you do the Baby Shark dance?

“Lord, no. I’m very much not a singer or a dancer. That’s mummy’s job!”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q10. Without looking at the internet, what are the words to Wind the Bobbin Up?

“My son loves this one, and he can do the actions, although he often gets them quite out of sync, before reverting to ‘eds’ – which is his way of saying Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes – and holding his noggin. I’ll spare you the full version… …. you’ll just have to take my word that I know it ;).”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q11. Tell us your best dad joke

“What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fssshh.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q12. Can you draw a dinosaur?

Headline Spews' dinosaur features his trademark 'vomit' branding
Headline Spews’ dinosaur features his trademark ‘vomit’ branding

Father Hood says: A relatively rudimentary effort, but I like the vomit and the drawn-to-scale stick man.
Dadliness rating: 1

Final ‘dadliness’ score

Nappy mishaps, soiled shirts and the dadliest of dad jokes push popular journalist and dad blogger Headline Spews to a solid 7 points in the Dad Test. Check out his website and follow his social media pages via the links below.


The Dad Test leaderboard

Dad’s Delicious Dinners 11
Matt Coyne – A.K.A Man vs Baby 11
The Mediocre Dad 10
Dad Blog UK 9
Daddy Poppins 9
The Outdoor Dad 9
Yule Times 9
Diary of the Dad 8
DIY Daddy 8
Four Seasons Dad 8
The Neu Dad 8
The Out Of Depth Dad 8
Headline Spews 7


    • Ha, I’m pretty sure it’s a dinosaur. Maybe I’ll need to switch it up and ask people to draw a dragon soon. Not sure why, but I feel like that would be more difficult.

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