The Dad Test ft. The Mediocre Dad

The Mediocre Dad takes Father Hood's Dad Test

Sound the must-read feature klaxon! In a bid to assess the ‘dadliness’ of celebrity dads and popular dad bloggers, I’ve created a fun Q&A called the Dad Test. Stepping up to the plate in week 10: pun-loving, Lego-making dad blogger The Mediocre Dad.

The Mediocre Dad back in 2012
The Mediocre Dad back in 2012

Q1. Have you ever messed up a nappy change?

“I’m pretty sure I messed up dozens in the first few months. Doing them up too loosely so they fell down, leaving them on too long so it’s like a nuclear warzone in their pants, and, of course, the classic leaving them too loose at the back so that a mega-poo ends up shooting up their back. Ah, happy memories!”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q2. Have you ever voluntarily chosen to watch a children’s cartoon when your kids weren’t there?

“Haven’t we all?! I’ve genuinely watched entire episodes of the Octonauts on my own, and I’m not even ashamed – that show is BRILLIANT. During the early years, I used to find myself still watching In the Night Garden despite my wife taking the kids up for a bath, but thankfully those days are long gone. Igglepiggle can haunt my dreams no longer…”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q3. Have you ever gone out/to work with milk stains on you?

“Almost definitely, though I can’t guarantee it was always the fault of my children. I’m a bit of a messy eater I’m afraid, and frequently splash cereal milk over my shirt during breakfast. Most of the time I spot it and change. Most of the time.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q4. What’s your go-to dad outfit?

“I’m a long-time fan of the obscure reference T-shirt, which I usually pair with some jeans. I’ve got some of the most obscure references on shirts –from Lost to Bad Lip Reading videos – and I love seeing the reactions of people who understand the reference. Makes it all worthwhile.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q5. Can you do the Baby Shark dance?

“Thankfully not. We went through a phase of playing it on the stereo in the office, mainly because it annoyed a few of my colleagues. But I never went as far as attempting the dance. Flossing on the other hand… I’ve tried. And failed.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q6. Have you ever got stuck in a soft play?

“It’s been a while since my two were small enough for soft play, but I definitely remember a few instances where, having run up the play frame to see to a screaming child, I just HAD to take a slide down because I wasn’t able to get out the way I came. And I mean the BIG slide, on my own, because said child was too scared to come down with me. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Dadliness rating: 1

The Mediocre Dad with his family
The Mediocre Dad with his family

Q7. What’s the worst substance you’ve ever had to clean out of the back of your car?

“Milk. Sour, rancid milk that we spilled back there and then failed to adequately clean up. After a few weeks in the hot car, the boot started to smell like vomit, so we were forced to get it all deep-cleaned. You know the phrase ‘no point crying over spilled milk’? We weren’t crying, but we were gagging.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q8. Have you ever done something wrong and not told your other half?

“Admitting to this in a public forum seems like a really bad idea, so I’ll simply say: ‘No, of course not,’ and we’ll leave it at that.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q9. Have you ever smelt poo and realised that it was on you?

“Yep, frequently in the early days. My memory is hazy, but I might even have tasted it once, thinking I’d got chocolate on my hand…”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q10. Without looking at the internet, what are the words to Wind the Bobbin Up?

“Easy. Wind the bobbin up, wind the bobbin up, *pull* *pull* clap clap clap. Wind it back again, wind it back again, *pull* *pull* clap clap clap. Point to the ceiling, point to the floor. Point to the window and point to the door. Repeat at least 10 times. That shit is seared into my memory.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q11. Tell us your best dad joke

“Oh god, I have so many. My current favourite (which you need to say out loud for it to work) is…
What’s the most common Owl in the world? The tea-towel.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q12. Can you draw a dinosaur?

The Mediocre Dad's amazing dinosaur drawing
The Mediocre Dad is anything but mediocre at drawing dinosaurs

Father Hood says: Wow. This isn’t just the best dinosaur drawing this interview series has witnessed, it’s possibly the finest dino sketch I’ve seen in my life.
Dadliness rating: 1

Final ‘dadliness’ score

Obscure reference T-shirts, rancid milk and a solo trip down the big slide help pun-loving dad blogger The Mediocre Dad to a whopping 10 points in the Dad Test. Check out his website and follow his social pages via the links below.


The Dad Test leaderboard

Matt Coyne – A.K.A Man vs Baby 11
The Mediocre Dad 10
Dad Blog UK 9
Daddy Poppins 9
The Outdoor Dad 9
Yule Times 9
Diary of the Dad 8
DIY Daddy 8
Four Seasons Dad 8
The Neu Dad 8


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