Kids say the funniest things: nursery occupation talk

Kids say the funniest things. I know this, because there was a TV show with that title. And because I’ve just been into my son’s nursery to talk about my occupation (I’m a writer, BTW).

I sat down in the tiny chair, said good morning to the circle of children gathered around me, began to talk about being a writer and… …chaos. Cute, well-mannered chaos. But chaos, nonetheless. The kids went off on tangents, made statements that had nothing to do with anything I’d said and generally gave me the funniest and most interesting 10 minutes I’ve had in ages. There’s no way I can do the hilarity justice, but it was such a laugh that I’m going to try. Thus, without further ado, here is my rundown of the funniest things the kid said during my 10-minute chat about working as a writer.

“I’m good at football”

I started my talk by explaining that part of my job involved interviewing sports people, like footballers and rugby players, and then writing about what they said in magazines, like the one I had in my hand. As you’d expect, the children responded with questions about how I’d got into this exciting career. Not really. Five of them said “I’m good at football”, one told me that she had “goals in her front and back garden”, one supported Manchester United and two had “won medals for football”.

“Is that you?”

At this point, I decided that I would liven things up by showing the children a magazine with my picture in it. It wasn’t any old magazine, either. It was the Sunday Times Style magazine that featured me as its ‘Badly Dressed Man‘.

“Is that you?” queried one of first boys to get his hands on it. Sadly, he was pointing at a picture of the other person who appeared in that issue’s ‘Badly Dressed Man’ segment. A man who has gone grey, wears glasses and is 77.

“Your house is tidy”

Keen to prove I was down with kids (and desperate to shake off the idea that I might be 77), I left magazines behind and revealed to the children that I now write for my own website, and that part of this writing involves changing the lyrics to famous nursery rhymes and songs. To help get this concept across, I asked them if they liked Frozen, then showed them the video of my Let It Go parody song.

And do you know what? They absolutely loved it. And by loved it, I mean looked a bit confused, while pointing at my son and saying “that’s you”. Then, out of nowhere, one kid said, “your house is very tidy”. I thanked him for noticing, then made a mental note to tell my wife.

“Did you write Let It Go?”

After a couple of minutes of the video, it was time for questions, and, unsurprisingly, most surrounded my impressive vocal performance. Was I a professional musician as well? Have I been on The X Factor? Am I Lewis Capaldi? You name it, the kids didn’t ask it. Instead, they simply wanted to know one thing: “Did you write Let It Go?”

I explained that I had written a different song to the same tune (a concept that I appreciate is pretty tough for a three or four-year-old to understand) and that someone else, who had been paid a lot of money by Disney, had written Let It Go.

“Have you been to Disney World?”

It’s fair to say that mentioning the ‘D’ word took us down a bit of a rabbit hole. “Have you been to Disney World? I’ve been to Disney World,” gasped one kid. Before I could admit that I hadn’t, five or six of her classmates revealed that they had also been, three or four more announced that they had Disney toys and one boy began going on about Lightning McQueen.

“Does anyone have a question about Mr Hood’s job?” said the teacher, trying to restore a bit of order. Five kids raised their hands. Two forgot what they wanted to say, two continued to probe about Disney World and one simply stated… … “I have a laptop.”

“I have a laptop”

I’m pulling this comment out and giving it a separate ‘kids say the funniest things’ heading because it really took me back. I mean, how many four-year-olds own a laptop? I had presumed the answer was none, but maybe this isn’t the case? Does your kid have one? Is pre-schoolers with laptops a growing trend? Do I need to get my son one? So many questions, and if you have the answer to any of them please let me know in the comments section below.

And that’s it. That is my blow-by-blow account of the 10 minutes I spent telling my son and his classmates about my occupation. Thus, all that remains to be said in this ‘kids says the funniest things’ post is:

  1. If you’ve been in to your kid’s nursery and done the same thing, please leave a comment, as I’d love to hear about your experience.
  2. If you have the opportunity to go in and talk about your job at your kid’s nursery, please go for it, as it’s a brilliant experience.
  3. Why not continue the fun by watching what happened when Liam Gallagher went in to chat to some cute kids?

Until next time…


  1. Ha! Kids are awesome. I love the stuff they come out with. I’ve been thinking about volunteering for something similar at the primary school my older two attend. They usually have a careers week and invite parents to talk about their jobs. I’ll let you know what they come up with if I’m brave enough to take part!

    • Do it, you’ll be great and I’m sure the kids won’t be too harsh. I agree, some of the stuff they come out with is hilarious. It’s fascinating to see how their brains work.

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