The Dad Test Ft. Diary of the Dad

Sound the new feature klaxon! In a bid to assess the ‘dadliness’ of celebrity dads and popular dad bloggers, I’ve created a fun, new Q&A called The Dad Test. Stepping up to the plate in week two: honest, hilarious, and multi award-winning, blogger Diary of the Dad.

Diary of the Dad remembers the nightmare of Q6

Q1. Have you ever gone to work/out with milk stains on you?

“Yes, all the time. Particularly now I work for myself and there’s nobody to tell me off. Before I had my own business, I remember having my photo taken for an old employer’s website. I posed for the picture, went back to my desk and… …realised that I had fossilised Weetabix on my shoulder. Oops.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q2. Have you ever fallen asleep while attempting to get your kid to sleep?

“Yes, often. I’ve lost count of the number of times over the last eight-and-a-half years that I’ve been woken by a bemused toddler wanting to hear the end of Tabby McTat.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q3. Have you ever been injured in the line of dad duty?

“Oh yes, SO many times. I’ve had numerous corneal abrasions and kicks below the belt. The best one, though, was last year. I was referred to a cardiologist due to chest pains. After some investigations, it turned out that I ‘just’ had severe muscle damage due to continually having to stop my youngest from doing an impression of a lemming when I was carrying her around!”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q4. Have you ever put off a DIY task for longer than three months?

“I count three months as an express service. We went without a bathroom mirror for 18 months thanks to my dithering.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q5. Have you ever shouted “plane” in a public place only to turn around and realise that you’re out without your kids?

“Ha! No, I haven’t, but I have almost grabbed other adults’ hands before crossing busy roads. I’m often on autopilot like that.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Diary of the Dad, shortly before being injured by one of his three kids

Q6. Have you ever smelt poo and realised it was on you?

“I can’t remember a specific incident, but I’m sure I have. However, I do recall the first time oldest ‘sharted’ so powerfully that his nappy and my dressing gown were no match for it. It put me off korma for a while.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q7. Have you ever got stuck in a soft play?

“No, but I got a rope burn on my arm the first time we went. It predated that Miley Cyrus video, Wrecking Ball, but that’s essentially what I was doing at the time. Clothed, I should add.”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q8. Can you do the Baby Shark dance?

“Oh yes. AND I was doing it before it was cool.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q9. What’s the worst substance you’ve ever had to clean out of the back of your car?

“I’ve never learned to drive, so I haven’t had this dubious pleasure!”
Dadliness rating: 0

Q10. Without looking at the internet, what are the words to Wind the Bobbin Up?

“Wind the bobbin up, wind the bobbin up, pull, pull, clap, clap, clap. Wind it back again, wind it back again, pull, pull, clap, clap, clap. Point to the ceiling and point to the floor. Point to the window and point to the door. Clap your hands together, one, two, three. Put your hands upon your knees.

“Oosh! We sing it every week at Rhymetime.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q11. Tell us your best dad joke

“Why did the monkey fall out the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out the tree? Because it was tied to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out the tree? Because it thought it was a game of follow the leader.

“Not a classic by any means, but my kids think it’s hilarious. Sickos.”
Dadliness rating: 1

Q12. Can you draw a dinosaur?

Later, Diary of the Dad would put his dinosaur drawing on the fridge.

Father Hood says: A simple, but stylish diplodocus that screams ‘I’ve got three kids, so have drawn more dinosaurs than you’ve had hot dinners.’ Top work, Diary of the Dad.
Dadliness rating: 1

Final ‘dadliness’ score

Some horrific injuries, a great Wind the Bobbin Up and a fossilised Weetabix power the hugely popular Diary of the Dad to a stellar 8 points in The Dad Test. Check out his website and follow his social media pages via the links below.

Website: diaryofthedad.co.uk
Facebook: facebook.com/DiaryOfTheDad
Twitter: twitter.com/DiaryOfTheDad
Insta: instagram.com/diaryofthedad

The Dad Test leaderboard

Daddy Poppins 9
Diary of the Dad 8

Next week: it’s Four Seasons Dad’s turn to tackle The Dad Test.

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