Playing golf with a toddler – the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth

My name is Father Hood and I have been playing golf with my toddler once a week for the past six-eight months. It’s an activity that I love for three reasons. First, we do some real dad-son bonding. Second, I tend to get some great material for my Instagram feed. Third, the deli sandwich Topgolf sells is DE-LIC-IOUS.

But here’s the thing. Last week, I was unable to go, so my wife stepped up to the tee. “It was great fun,” she admitted. “But it wasn’t how I imagined it would be from your pictures and videos.”

“Really?” I responded.

“Yes,” she replied. “Controlling him was far more difficult than you make out.”

A sudden realisation

And that’s when it hit me; a golf ball right in the face. Not really. What actually hit me was the realisation that the thrill of reading comments like “great pic”, “the next Tiger” and “wow, what a shot”, had led me to solely report the sunny side of the playing golf with a toddler.

I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with sharing genuinely captured snapshots like the one above. I’m simply saying that, by only posting positive shots, I have been failing to provide parents with an accurate picture of our weekly trips to Topgolf.

Yes, my son and I have fun. Yes, we smile. Yes, we pose. Yes, we celebrate. Yes, we hug. And yes, he hits some ridiculously good golf shots for a kid of his age. But, we also argue. And tantrum. And kick balls over the edge. And get frustrated. And try to use the adult clubs (over and over again). And decide to stuff golf and do exercises.

The truth

So, what does this all mean? It means that it’s time for me to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about playing golf with a toddler. Which is… …that it’s a living hell I would not wish on anyone.

Just kidding. It’s that every session is a patience-testing, but fun ride that features hits, misses, celebrations, good listening, bad listening, hugs and numerous instances of me nearly getting hit in the head with a golf club. In other words, totally do it, but please remember that your little one is most definitely NOT going to concentrate for more than a couple of minutes or stand properly and hit a good shot every time.

Got that? Great, then my work here is done. Thus, I’ll sign off with this hilarious ‘warts and all’ video of my son and I playing Topgolf. It’s filmed in fast-forward, and, along with including all the stuff I’ve mentioned above, it features some fantastic gesticulation and a ridiculous trick shot. Enjoy.

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