Parenting satire: celebrity decides against writing children’s book

A celebrity who has recently become a parent has used his Twitter feed to announce that he has no intention of writing a children’s book. The shock revelation, which began trending at around 4.45pm last night, sparked rumours that the new father’s social media accounts had been hacked, but his publicist later issued a statement confirming the tweet’s validity.

“My client is aware that his seven seasons on a scripted reality show make him a prime candidate get a children’s book series. But while tempted to follow the likes of David Walliams, Fearne Cotton, Frank Lampard, John Travolta, Katie Price, Geri Halliwell, Gloria Estefan, Ricky Gervais, Harry Hill, Miranda Hart, Bruce Springsteen, Dolly Parton, Dame Jessica Ennis-Hill, Russell Brand, Madonna, Ricky Martin, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, Julianne Moore, Jamie Lee Curtis, Queen Latifah, Theo Walcott, Kelly Clarkson, Tom Fletcher, Jerry Seinfeld, Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Crystal into the world of children’s books, he has decided that now is not the correct time to launch this potentially lucrative cash cow.”

Only so many hours in a day

When asked to provide the reason behind the celebrity’s decision, the publicist added. “There are only so many hours in the day, and my client is already busy trying to promote his new line of underwear, his latest aftershave, his beard grooming kit and his Defeat The Dadbod workout DVD. Plus, all the good animals are currently taken.”

A struggling children’s book author, who asked not to be named for fear of missing out on a moderately paid ghostwriting contract in the next couple of decades, welcomed the announcement.

“It is one light in an incredibly gloomy tunnel, but it is a very important light,” he said. “Hopefully it represents the first step in the long journey back to the time when celebrities were celebrities and children’s book authors were talented creatives with a lot of writing experience and an abundance of ideas.”


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