PAW Patrol? That’s so last month. This month, my entire life revolves around the Poo Patrol. What’s that? You’ve never heard of the Poo Patrol? To quote Michael Jackson, you are not alone. Most people haven’t the foggiest who this stoic band of pant-saving parents are. But this lack of exposure ends right here and right now, people. Why? Because I’ve written a potty training song all about the Poo Patrol, that’s why.
Ah, so the Poo Patrol are parents who have just started toilet training? Not quite. The Poo Patrol are actually in what I call stage two of potty training. It’s a weird and wonderful time when your kid knows a) that they are wearing big boy/girl pants and b) that they need to tell you when they have to empty their bowels, but for reasons unbeknown to anyone but themselves occasionally decides not to cry “I need poo poo”.
So where does this leave you? It leaves you watching your toddler like a hawk, always carrying numerous spare outfits, perennially researching the nearest toilet and regularly screaming the phrase “let me know if you need a poo” in public parks, shopping centres and restaurants.
Sounds fun. No, it doesn’t. And it most definitely isn’t. I’m permanently on edge, I drift in and out of conversations, I have nightmares about dirty toilet cubicles and for the last 15 days I have spent at least five minutes per day holding another human being while he does a number two. Think about that for a second. Actually, perhaps it’s best for everyone if you don’t.
But while I protest (as loudly and as often as I can), being part of the Poo Patrol has had the odd silver lining. Like? Well, it has taught me a lot, it has brought me closer to my son, and it has inspired me to write the potty training song that’s at the top of this article.
Poo Patrol is the latest in my series of parody songs about parenting, it’s all a bit of fun and it’s designed to be sung to the PAW Patrol theme tune. If you like it, please share with as many of your mum and dad friends as you can. If you don’t, no worries. Hopefully, you’ll find a tune you like better here.
Until next time…