Hands up if you like a good meme! I’m hoping you’ve all thrust your arms skywards, because this week’s Father-Hood.co.uk Midweek list features the 16 most raw, realistic and side-splitting parenting memes I’ve created since launching this website in the long, cold winter of 2016/17.
Back then, I was a tired 30-something with a nine-month-old who just would not sleep. Now, I’m a tired 30-something with a two-and-a-half-year-old who just won’t sleep.
So what’s changed? Well, quite a lot actually. My son is now potty trained, facing forwards in the car, settled in at nursery and able to climb rope bridges that strike fear into the hearts’ of kids who are double his age. And I am now able to function on three hours sleep, cook one-handed, reel off the words to just about every Julia Donaldson book and make a mean parenting meme.
And while the last of these things might not make me more attractive to prospective employers, it has given me a chance to Google weird search terms like “exasperated polar bear” (see special bonus parenting meme above), “security guard chasing streaker” and “giraffe holding onto a tree”.
Confused as to what on earth I am going on about? You’ve every right to be. Fortunately, my 16 Hilarious Parenting Memes list feature begins just below this sentence and will reveal all. Enjoy, laugh, share, you know the drill.
1. Nursery refusal
Q: What’s the best way of finding humour in the way your child screams: “I don’t want to go to nursery,” while hanging onto your bed for dear life?
A: A picture of a giraffe clinging onto a tree.
2. Nasty nappy surprise
We’ve all been here. And by here, I mean standing over your child, gawping at the contents of his or her nappy in wide-eyed disbelief.
I can’t remember where the inspiration for the punch line of this Braveheart take-off meme came from. Oh no, wait. It was from this dark, dark morning.
4. We’re gonna need another wipe!
Dear environment, I am so very, very sorry.
5. Car seat LOLs
All kids love their car seats, right? In my son’s case, wrong. Very, very wrong.
6. Soft play death stare
The eyes. It is all in the eyes. If you can get them right, then you can frighten the life out of a soft play reprobate without saying a word.
7. Dinner time
Oh weaning, how I did not enjoy you.
8. The evolution of a parent’s social life
Me: “What are you up to this weekend?”
Colleague: “Heading to a DJ festival and then a mate’s house party in Dalston. What are you up to?”
Me: “Jamie, Elora and Bronte’s birthday parties.”
Colleague: “Wow, sounds cool.”
Me: “They’re all turning three.”
9. The ill-timed poop
I swear my son used to do this on purpose.
Father-Hood’s later parenting meme work shows a greater insight into the psyche of both the human adult and the human child. This entry is a prime example of this. The way he fuses the exhaustion of the adult with the imagination of the kid is so intellectually advanced that…
…Stuff this, I’m boring myself. This one goes out to the all the parents who turn into climbing frames the second they sit down.
11. School’s out for the summer
When two tribes go to war, war is all that you can score.
12. Angry rain baby
The good news is children are really chilled when you are stuck in the house because it’s raining. The bad news is I’m lying.
13. You had one job…
It’s Mum’s first dinner out since she had a kid, which means Dad is home alone. Don’t panic, you got this. You’ve locked the stair gate, hidden the knives, baby proofed the table, cupboards and sockets and… what the?! Is that mayonnaise mixed with flour, water and glitter glue?
True story. As I said in the entry headline, “ouchie”.
15. The six-month cold
Life’s three certainties:
- The sun rises and the sun sets
- The tide comes in and the tide goes out
- Your kid’s cold begins in October and it ends in March
16. Seamless sleepytime
I can’t say this has ever happened to me. But I hear it is an absolutely wonderful experience.
Until next time…
*Father-Hood.co.uk is THE website for dads. It features dad advice, dad tips, dad jokes and more.