Ode to a middle class nursery

Good morning! I feel like I’ve been up for hours. Partly, because I have (our son shattered my peace with a fly-kick to the ribs at around 6am, grrr). And partly, because I’ve been expending a significant amount of mental energy on my latest song for parents. This one is all about the nursery drop off and it came to me as I was sitting in the car park, waiting for all the other adults in 4x4s* to do their 17-point turns, while drinking coffee and chatting ‘hands-free’ on their smartphone.

Some points to address

The first thing you’ll notice is that this new ditty is a lot shorter than some of my other songs for parents (e.g. The best ‘Let it Go’ parody in the history of the world ever). The reason for this is my wife keeps telling me that people are more likely to interact with a succinct song, and I want to see if she’s right.

And the second thing is that the little red illustrations don’t look like any of the cars I have mentioned in the song. The reason for this is I’m not made of money,¬†especially having just paid this month’s nursery fees.

Still, high fees or not, at least my son’s place of toddler learning offers a nurturing environment, loads of toys, all sorts of activities and one of the most over the top menus that I’ve ever seen.

For example, today they’re having ‘Turkey a la king with basmati rice’ and ‘plum, pineapple and cantaloupe melon cocktail’ for lunch, and ‘tuna, tomato and vegetable pasta with a julienne pepper and cucumber salad’ for high tea (that’s genuinely what they call it). Both of these meals are followed by ‘cheese cubes’ to “reduce the acidity in the children’s mouths”. I kid you not.

One final point I need to make about this song for parents

But back to my latest song for parents. This tune is meant to poke fun at the nursery drop off, rather than the adults who do it. So why have I only mentioned mummies, then? Simple. I left out grandparents because the word had too many syllables to fit in with the tune. And I overlooked daddies, because I’m pretty much the only father I ever see at the nursery. If this situation changes, then I assure you that I will be back with a tune about unshaven men and their driving machines. Until then, please smile at the lyrics of this song for parents and share it far and wide. Site traffic has been a tad slow since I was banned from promoting my articles on Facebook, and I have next month’s nursery fees to think about…


*yes, we also have a 4×4. Guilty as charged.


  1. Haha we rejected some of the more middle class nurseries for our local children’s centre. It’s OFSTED rating is higher than some very expensive ones… and lunch is “vegetable curry and rice, sponge pudding” served by kindly ladies. A bargain!

    • Ha. That sounds really good – and basically the same menu without all the flowery language. To be fair, my son’s nursery is really good. It’s just funny how much of a stereotype everyone (probably including ourselves) is.

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