Parenting satire: toddler selects appropriate outfit
A British toddler has shocked her parents by dressing herself in an outfit that was not totally and utterly ridiculous.
The bizarre incident took place at Rod and Tina Copthorne’s home in Cornwall last Saturday morning. “During breakfast, our threenager Olivia began whining about wanting to pick the clothes she wore to her friend’s party,” recalls Rod. “Initially, we stood firm but by the time Livs dropped to the floor and dialled her bleating up to 11 our spirit was broken. We told her to go ahead and set about preparing our usual, ‘Oh, that’s lovely, but how about we wear this instead?’ speech.”
Initially, the couple assumed they had the situation covered, but doubts began to creep in when their daughter failed to swiftly return in a tutu, odds socks, elbow pads and 17 pieces of her mother’s jewellery.
“Once the clock hit five minutes, we knew something was up,” admitted Rod. “When Livs is given full control of her clothing, she’s usually back before we can say, ‘Being totally honest, you look like a not quite fully thought out CBeebies character who is going on a unicorn-themed hen do to Benidorm.'”
The gruesome discovery
The worried couple rushed to Olivia’s room, where they discovered something truly astonishing. “She was wearing jean shorts and struggling to choose between two nice T-shirts,” recalls Tina. “I just about managed to hold things together, but it was all too much for Rod. He hit the deck faster than one of those £50,000-a-week footballers.”
“I completely blacked out,” admits Rod. “But in my defence it’s not something life prepares you for, is it? I mean what kind of three-year-old selects an appropriate outfit when they could team a summer dress with a balaclava or Ghostbusters pants with a ski jacket?”
According to her shaken parents, Olivia is yet to reveal whether this unsettling episode was a one off or the start of a stage. “We’ve no idea what’s going to happen next time we give her the freedom to choose her own clothes,” admitted Tina. “In an ideal world she’ll revert to type and try to go out looking like a goth mermaid in dungarees, but all we can do is keep our fingers crossed.”