Big news, folks. I’ve written a modern nursery rhyme that’ll send a shiver down the spine of professional athletes, sung to the tune of ‘Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man’
Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, Olympian
Squeeze out some pee as fast as you can
You wee it, half it, mark it ‘A’ or ‘B’
And we send it off to the laboratory!