Dear Father Hood: is my baby cute?
Write some platitudes or tell the truth? Write some platitudes or tell the truth? Stuff it, I’m going to tell the truth. Which is… if you’re coming to my blog to discover the answer to this query, the chances are most of the population believe your offspring looks like a bit Winston Churchill. Don’t despair. The fact people aren’t head over heels with your bubba isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Loads of ugly ducklings turn into swans and even if yours doesn’t it’s unlikely that looks will hold him or her back – after all, good old Winnie did pretty well for himself.
But, but… what about all the positive comments on Facebook? Like the top and bottom scores in Olympic diving events, those need to be struck from the record. And they need to be discounted for two reasons. First, there are likely to be from friends or family, who are biased. Second, when it comes to social media writing something short and gushing is way easier than actually having to come up with something truthful and original.
So now you’ve wiped out your friends and family’s opinions, who’s left? The general public, that’s who. Wait. That’s ridiculous. Surely there’s no way that a complete stranger would come up and compliment my little one? Au contraire, mon ami. As anyone with an actually cute baby will testify, there’s no stopping this ragtag bunch of well-meaning randoms. The street, the supermarket, the GP Surgery’s waiting room, the airport, bus stops, restaurants, the gym, Pizza Hut’s buffet and a traffic jam are just a small selection of the places people have stopped to shriek some praise, gurn merrily and then attempt to either squeeze our wee man’s cheeks or pick him up. If you’ve experienced similar incidents, you’ll know that they are weird, but strangely satisfying. If you haven’t, who cares? I’m sure your genes will do better next time.